Once I was a Pirate


The first book I read as a child was about pirates, it captured my imagination immediately.

Blackbeard, Henry Morgan, Black Bart and many more so I decided there and then.

“To hell with school, I´m going to be a pirate” I exclaimed with childish glee as I slammed the book shut, the last chapter  about Blackbeards final moments still fresh in my mind.

I pictured myself in sawn off pirate trousers, sticks of smouldering incense knotted in my hair. Black smoke rising into air the from my pistols, cutlass firmly wedged between my teeth.

“Shiver me jabberwocky`s and belay those traffic wardens, I´ll see them walk the plank this very minute” belching out orders to my pirate cronies, bad to the bone each and everyone of them.

Yep it was a pirates life for me and no mistake, it was my destiny…don`t you see?

I grew my ginger hair long like Edward Teach and coloured it with black boot polish, consigning my mothers crisp white pillowcases to a ignominious end in doing so.

As befitting a proper pirate I obtained a eye patch and cellotaped it over my spectacles.

It was made of pink plastic so I coloured it black using a magic marker I borrowed at school (now 60 years on…..maybe it is time I returned it?).

I tied filtered cigarettes to the ends of my long locks that flowed out from under my snot stained bandana. Flakes of singed Golden Virginia tobacco were my dandruff…..

“Belay that bottle of Head & Shoulders ye landlubbers”

to be continued…….


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