The United Nations Alsatian
Lying prostrate on the living room floor
Hind legs outstretched, front ones to the fore
His black and tan fur to the touch, sleek to the core
A heavy sigh exuded at momentary intervals
This was our Shep, a dog with principals
Be not fooled by his dog dreaming, have no doubt
For amongst the canines of the world, this one stood out
The United Nations Alsatian we named him when he was about
Whenever there was trouble, he was always on hand to sort it out
A raised voice or finger wagging of any kind
The U.N. dog was on the spot, and you would be fined
A verbal telling off, several barks or so
Before telling you to get a grip, piss off and go
A fine of a dog biscuit, chocolate or two as compensation
For calling out the services of the United Nations Alsatian
My father would often take him walkies each day
Careful, to steer clear of the pub, he had to keep the dog well away
Failing that the United Nations Alsatian would stay in there until Christmas Day
Lager of any kind
Be it Fosters, Carling even the foreign kind, he didn`t mind
Stood on his hind legs, front paws on the bar
Lapping up beer from an ashtray, it was all so natural yet quite bizarre
He had no tab behind the bar
One ashtray would be more than enough
“C’mon now Shep, that’s your last” my father would say
The dog would reluctantly agree he had enough
By drinking up and saying “Ruff”
On garden duty he`d spent his day chasing magpies, cats and scaring away the black dog who lived down the street.
When children passed by the gate, he would run up to it, and stand on his hind legs to greet.
Barking out orders and dealing out reprimands, to children and adults alike.
He was a strange one, unique, loveable, so hard to dislike.
Some years back the Lord called time on Sheps U.N. posting
Our canine peacekeeper had barked out his final verbal roasting
My father now tends the Lords flower beds, since his earthly release.
Gods Gardener may he rest in peace
At his side, close by, adorned in his blue beret and ready for any eventuality
The United Nations Alsatian stands guard
Arguing and shouting not allowed, magpies strictly barred
And in the evening for the hardworking pair, a beer or two
Yours served in an ashtray, named specially after you.